The Chosen One
One day I met someone new and was telling them our story. I'll never forget the smile on her face when she shared the story of her daughter, who was also a medical mom. She eventually asked me "Do you ever feel like you were chosen?" I remember getting a bit stumped by the question.
At first, I took it from a negative perspective, because that's often my mindset with questions like these. I thought about "Why would someone choose this life for me? What could I have possibly done to have to go through the pain of almost losing both my children and the struggles they face every day?" I sat and thought on it for quite some time while she was looking at me waiting for a response.
I finally responded with "I don't know what I did to be chosen to watch my children have to fight just to exist in this world". To which she responded that that was not what she meant by her question. She meant, "do you ever feel like you were chosen to be able to give your children the best chance at life? Because not many people are cut out to survive the medical mom life, and many people would have given up or chosen a different path if they were in your situation. From what you've told me, I feel like you were the chosen one to give your children their best chance at life. Your children likely would not be alive without you and how you advocate for them. With your medical background and your husband's teaching background, your children will succeed, I have no doubt."
This brought tears to my eyes, because I had never thought about it that way. The positive way. I immediately got memories of being asked if we wanted to put in a PICC line for Mason or just let him continue to decline and they would keep him comfortable. And being asked multiple times if I wanted to abort my pregnancy knowing that Dylan would have kidney issues and may not survive. We made choices, without knowing what the outcomes were going to be, but chose what felt right to us. And those choices resulted in both of our boys surviving and defeating the odds that were against them. While it has been a very hard battle at times, we've also come to learn a whole new meaning to advocacy, as we have learned to stand firm on what we feel is right for the boys. I thought about how many people might not be able to do that, how many people have/would have made different choices than we did. At times, mostly on our good days, I feel like we were the chosen ones to give Mason and Dylan their best chance in this world. Other times, the negativity takes over and it feels like we have just gotten lucky with our choices, and I fear that our luck may run out one day.
Having said all that, I do feel that all medical moms and dads were "chosen". As a medical parent, we have had to make choices most people wouldn't ever think about needing to make, with nothing but our gut instinct helping us guide our way while hoping it was the right decision, but still knowing of the devastating consequences if it wasn't. Every medical parent has stood their ground and fought to exhaustion for what they felt is best for their child, which no one else is doing, or we wouldn't have to. And for that, I feel we are the chosen ones for our children.
